How Rich are you ?

Going by the fact that i am big time jobless, I have stumbled upon another useless site. According to it i am 683,696,317 richest person in this world. Yippppiiiieeeeee

Check out the site and post the result below ... http://www.globalrichlist.com/

Dear Mr. M F Hussain ...

M F Hussain, also known as the Picasso of India is now the Picasso of Qatar. After being in exile since 2006, he has finally said his adieu to his motherland. 


This event was enthusiastically covered by our media sensing some 'masala'. On one side was the Indian government trying to dissuade the artist from accepting the Qatari citizenship while on the other were the activists, because of whom Mr. Hussain had to leave the country.


On asking as to why did he accept the Qatari citizenship, Mr. Hussain gave the following reasons:-
1. India rejected me. India does not need me. Successive governments have failed to protect me
2. When activists attacked my work, no one came to support me
3. Qatar provides me complete freedom. No one controls my freedom of expression here


Mr. Hussain continues, "90% of Indian people love me. Only 10% are against me."
And, "The cases against me are against my freedom of expression. An artist's self expression. It is my creativity"


Mr. Hussain, I as an Indian truly respect you for your art. I would be more than glad if you could reject the Qatari citizenship and remain Indian. But unfortunately I do not feel truthful to myself by saying this. 


You are the same person who painted 'Bharatmata' in nude. You went on further to paint Goddess Durga and Saraswati in an uncharitable manner. Yes i agree there should be a freedom of expression to each and every individual. I am proud of the fact that my country provides that kind of freedom. But freedom of expression should not be misused. There is a social responsibility on each and every one of us. By hurting the sentiments of 85% of the Indian population, you cannot claim to have the love of our countrymen.


You have now taken citizenship of a country that is not even a democracy and you claim to have full freedom of expression?? I do not mean to be provocative, but if such acts were done against your new home country, I would not even want to think what the result would have been. India has been a tolerant society but it does not mean that you under the name of creativity paint whatever you like.


Be respectful of the sentiments of the people. You are a celebrity and hence a huge social responsiblity lies on your shoulders.


Proud to be an Indian

Sach is Life - 200*

For 20 long years He has treated us to pure master class. 
For 20 long years He has piled one century after another till he had 92 of them. 
For 20 long years we have cheered for each and every of his 30,000+ runs. 
For 20 long years He has been the best batsman the world has ever seen. 
If all that was not enough, He comes out and blasts a 200* in an ODI.


As SRT was nearing his 46th ODI century, a crowd was steadily building up in my office cafeteria. As SRT pushed past 150 the crowd turned raucous. It seemed like the entire 7000 of my office staff had gathered inside the cafeteria. The scene resembled a public place with people standing on chairs, tables, food serving counters (and some on their boss' shoulders too). SRT is more important afterall to all Indians. 


As SRT moved into 190's and Dhoni was hitting 4's and 6's, no one gave a damn about what Dhoni was upto or even what the Indian score was. The only focus was SRT. Another six by dhoni was greeted by someone in the crowd, "Abe Dhoni Ma******d, bh****** single le ha****". Every one echoed the same sentiments. Every one had forgotten that they were in the office premises. SRT had taken over our minds and hearts yet again. 


And then the moment, Sachin getting 200 with a single to backward point. I along with the crowd screamed as loud as i could and jumped as high as i could. Sachin had done it. Rather we all had done it. It was a 200* not only for sachin ... it belonged to each and every Indian. Teary eyed (with joy of course) i wondered that how could one man be loved so much by a billion people?


February 24, 2010 will be remembered forever. It was a day when people once again switched ON their televisions and switched OFF their lives.


Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar - Take a Bow - You are the greatest that ever was and ever will be ~Period~

Its Technology stup-pid

My college library has a "hi-tech" system wherein through an online portal, one can do the following activities:-

- view the books present in the library

- preview each book

- check the number of copies present

- reserve the book online

- most important of all, if the book is already reserved by someone, then put yourself in the waitlist so that once the book arrives in the library you get an e-mail asking you to collect the book

Extremely convenient ... no wasting time browsing books in the library ... simplifies the life of both librarian and the borrower. Technology sure is great.

But then, I get an e-mail saying this –

Dear ……,       On process of your reservation status the following book is received to the library and waiting for your arrival.
SNo	Accession	Item Name	Availability
1.	BK1763	Harvard business essentials : marketers toolkit:: the 10 strategies you need to succeed (Harvard Business School)	48 hours

Regards, Librarian

The best part is the date this e-mail was sent: 03-Feb-2010 12:19 PM

It is been almost a year since I graduated from my business school (yes people I went to a business school). Unfortunately the technology being used does not know this. It sure does make the institution look stupid.

But the most important point for writing this one is,

Did I actually reserve a book that too an academic book that too in my college LIBRARY? People knowing me can vouch for the fact that how ghastly this is. It surely must be some rush-of-blood moment that prompted me to do such a crime. Or was it some strategic plan to make the book inaccessible to other people so that they don’t score too well (its relative grading after all)!!! I’ll let you guys decide this one coz I surely can’t fathom what made me reserve a book in the library. And yeah the technology won’t let me forget this fact by sending regular book availability e-mails as long as I access my B-school’s mailbox!!

Ayodhya Solution

Ayodhya has raised its head yet again thanks to the BJP. Congress is sure to condemn it. Both of them are just that - stupid (the political parties i mean). Ayodhya is a non-issue as far as i am concerned. They are just raised by these parties either to evoke emotions (of the wrong kind) or to employ the divide and rule principle.


Religion is one of the most important factors that divides people. It creates hatred, doubt and violence among groups. Irony is that, religion is also an important factor that unites people. It gives a sense of belongingness, peace and identity to people. But thanks to our thoughtlessness we just fight among ourselves in the name of religion.


Of all the religions in this world, India is unique in a way that each and every religion will find a representative in our country. Now this calls for more violence and hatred. 


Only one religion is present in India that actually brings people together. One religion that is superior to all other religions. One religion that causes common pain and common joy. One religion that unites people of our motherland beyond caste, age, economic well being and other social norms. I think we need to give this religion a chance to wash out the Ayodhya issue.


The religion i am talking about is CRICKET. The entire country is united when it comes to cricket. We forget everything (hatred included) when we watch cricket. Why not build a cricket stadium in the disputed land of Ayodhya and give peace and harmony a chance to thrive? 


Let us rejoice on that "disputed" land when India wins a match and sulk when we lose. At least we all will be united be it victory or defeat. Unity among ourselves is all that matters.


Jai Hind


P.S. This is entirely my opinion. I do not mean to hurt any religious sentiments of anyone.

Cricket: Is India going the Paki way?

Yup I know … even the thought of our beloved country going down the paki way is repulsive. Even I don’t feel comfortable comparing us with a nation where scumbags are bred, only to attack other peace loving nations. But some of events in the past few days, made me think otherwise.

We all know the way SL cricketers were air lifted after the bomb blasts in PAK. I don’t see cricket being played in PAK in the immediate future.

Back home, there have been various threats and unfortunate incidents in the past few days. All this puts the future of cricket matches played at home into serious doubt. Recent threats being
- Blast in Pune
-       Shiv Sena not to allow Aussies play in Mumbai
- Terror threat - Jaipur ODI
-       AP Govt boycotting IPL since hyderabad is not on the IPL menu (venue rather)
-       Media boycotting IPL due to stringent broadcasting rules
-       Naxals going beserck and killing people at will

Strange thing here is, we have more internal problems than external. So, can the Shiv Sena, AP Govt and the media please shut up and help resolve the pertinent problem of external terror and naxals?

United we stand, Divided we fall !
Jai Hind

Dreams are manifestations? I hope not

The last week has been hectic. My mind has been working over-time. Nah i am not talking of building castles in the air but building castles in sleep. In short, I have been dreaming a lot (2 dreams in 2 days is a lot for someone who rarely gets dreams). Maybe the dreams are resulting because i am too bored to sleep.


People say that dreams are cherished desires or maybe you want the real life to be the way represented in dreams.


Dream 1 
The scene is the Australian Open and I am one of the player participating in it. I mean i really worked hard to secure a place to play in the competition and determined to do well.   My friends from the bakar gang (GD, Lath, Diva & PaD) are there in the stadium. Any of you reading this will have no doubt of their intentions. They were of course there to cheer me. Even i thought so until later ...


As i was walking towards the entrance of the courts, surprisingly i was denied entry. So i walked around the complex and found a spot from where i could sneak in. Unfortunately the netter door was locked. As i fought with the door to open it, to my surprise i saw my idiotic friends laughing at me. After a long struggle i eventually managed to get in but my tennis racquet was broken. This evoked a huge bout of laughter especially from Diva. Needless to say i woke up abusing ...


Dream 2
Scene : Mumbai - Heavy rains - streets flooded
There was just one bus which seemed to be moving. So we boarded that bus. Unfortunately the whole of Mumbai thought on the same lines and boarded the same bus.


Oh i forgot to explain the 'we' part. It was me and billi (unfortunately which i realized later). I was trying to be nice and was planning to drop her home. I thought, " bechari akeli ladki ko is baarish mein kaise chhod du". Bechari my foot !!


In the same bus there were a couple of gorgeous girls, our eyes met and the things which usually happen in dreams happened (don't go that far you perverts). As i tried to make a movement towards them, billi grabbed me as if i was a stone.
She : kidhar jaa raha hai kamine
Me  : Ruk ek minute ... aata hoon hello bolke
She : tu mereko aise akele chhodke jayega ?
Me  : Of course haa
She : tu kaisa dost hai (in a sarcastic tone)
Me  : haa ... main aisa hi hoon
She : some more obscenities (family nature of this forum prevents me from giving out the details)
Me  : ruk naa ek minute ... aata hoon ... chhodke thodi naa jaa raha hoon
She : tu aise nahi manegaa ... more obscenities with dirty looks .. this time towards those gorgeous gals
Me  : I hate you !!


Another instance where she destroyed my chance to get acquainted with the fairer sex. Not to mention that she has never helped me by introducing me to at least one of her many friends. Girls are evil ... rather my friends are evil.


The above 2 instances just depict that i DO NOT want my dreams to turn into reality. Well i want to play Aus open but not bang at their doors instead and surely i don't want to be single life long !!

Outliers – The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell

Since this is my first post about a book, I want to bring out certain points.

I just wanted to inform that this post is NOT a

 Book review ( I ain’t any judge to give out my decision)

 Gyaan session ( We already have had loads of that)

 Summary of the book (lazy asses don’t look for a shortcut)

 Recommendation to read the book or not (simply because you won’t listen to me anyways)

This post and all subsequent posts about books that I have read, will give out some important information that the author brings out. You can be happy that this is not my information (which is always wrong).

Outliers as the name suggests, is a deviation from the normal. It does not mean that this book talks about abnormal beings (and I am not the protagonist). Outliers is a story of success, a story of how success is not just about being a genius, being at the right place at the right time, hard work, unusual opportunities and hidden advantages but a mix of all of them. And most importantly do not ignore the effect of “self-fulfilling prophecy” as it can be one of the biggest factors of success.

Information provided in the book …

 Secret for a long life?

A. Good genes, exercise, healthy diet 

Wrong Answer. The correct answer is Community. Long life depends on how strong your social structure is and how best it can protect you from the pressures of the real world. But is there any doctor in the world who even cares for that before treating you?

 Hidden Advantages

Pick up any autobiography of a famous actor, businessman, scientist, sports person … one thing common to all would be the limited resources that they had, basically a rags to riches story. Being reasonably well off; does that put me and you at a dis-advantage of becoming as great as them just because they had limited resources and we don't? The answer is NO. The limited resources were not at all limited … all these greats had hidden advantages, extra-ordinary opportunities and strong forces working in their favor. In fact, adversity was their biggest opportunity.

 The Age Effect

From fields as diverse as hockey and baseball to computer programming, it is the “age effect” that determines success. Being born in a particular period of the year to being born in a given era can be the difference between being successful and not so successful. So parents, please plan accordingly as the time your offspring is born would determine whether he becomes a Steve Jobs or any other xyz!!

 Magic number – 10,000

Some people are successful just because they are prodigies. Untrue. People are successful because of HARD WORK. Put in 10,000 hours of practice into something you are good at and you become successful. But hey, you still have to have hidden advantages and the age effect working in your favor!!

 Genius = Successful = Super Achievers
The above equation sounds reasonable. Unfortunately it is not accurate. Extra ordinary achievement is less about talent and more about opportunity. Intelligence has a threshold. Above a certain limit, having extra intelligence does not account for real world advantage. Also practical intelligence (being street smart) is more important than just intelligence.
So Genius, along with opportunity, hidden advantages, age effect and 10K is a lethal combination.

 Concerted Cultivation
Many of us have seen parents pushing their children to the absolute limit. Cricket Coaching followed by school followed by Karate classes followed by painting classes ... ufff ... i don't work that much myself. I personally even used to pity those kids and think that, "Why can't parents just leave the kids to themselves. Eventually the kid will find out what he/she is good at". Concerted cultivation and a sense of entitlement are key factors if you want your child to grow up and become successful. Parents, bully your kids ever more :)


 Work ... What kind of work?
Satisfaction does not come by just earning a six or seven digit salary. For work to be satisfying it should have autonomy, complexity and a relation between effort and reward.


 Legacy Matters
We might be staying in different areas of the world, in different cultures but the fact remains that we are a product of where we are from. Our ability to succeed at what we do is bound from where we are. As per Geert Hofstede Cultural Dimensions, we need to understand that the problem is not with the process or the machine. It is our legacy which makes us behave in a certain way. Major cause of airline crashes can be understood from PDI rather than the technical flaws in the airplane!!


Finally success is not mysterious. It is hidden behind the web of advantages, opportunities, hard work, inheritance, history and community.

Tirupati – 07-Feb-2010

After a huge deliberation spanning over 4 months and 6 days, I finally decided to meet God. I had promised Him that if he gives me what I am asking for, I would return to meet Him only to ask for something else! The promise made on 09-Apr-2009 was thus fulfilled.

Due credit has to be given to Saap for delaying my meet with God. Kudos to his sinister planning and excuses as absurd as he himself led to the delay. Be rest assured that the main elements of his excuses namely the dentist, eye surgeon, office boss, girls whom he goes to visit on some weekends in Hyderabad in relation to holy matrimony etc. have not been spared. I have asked God to punish them in the following ways:-

Dentist & Eye Surgeon – Plucks out Saap’s tonsils/ eye sockets respectively & Saap sues them for a million dollars. I think million dollars is worthwhile enough to sacrifice Saap’s tonsils and eye sockets!

Office Boss – Saap to be assigned to him/ her for a lifetime … that would be some punishment for the boss

Matrimonial Profiles – Saap actually marries one of them … no bigger punishment could be in store for the girl

I can keep cussing Saap here till people can lick their elbows but I better move on to the tour itself.

As I stepped into Vista holidays to enquire about the Tirupati package, I was greeted by a cheerful looking man. The affable nature of the man made me ignore the kind of language he spoke, it was neither Hindi nor English. As he continued giving me information on the package with animated hand gestures in an alien language, I thanked my good foresight; Foresight of seeing the news for Deaf and Dumb on Sunday 14:00 hours on DD. I could relate the hand gestures which the man was making with something I probably saw 15 years earlier on TV. Smug by my brilliance of actually understanding an alien language with just hand gestures, I made the payment for the Tirupati Package.

{Btw … did u guys try to lick your elbows … I think u did … even I tried it before I penned it down}

Also in the shop was a typical South Indian lady; thick hair that were tightly wound in a choti with some mogras and orange color flowers, a sari so bright that it could give an inferiority complex to the sun and a rhythmic tone when she spoke. She had a Vista holidays brochure in hand along with 5 other travel agent brochures, Indian railway map and a knowledge of railway routes so dismal that an abyss might seem like a golf hole. I was scared that she might ask me which train to take from Port Blair to Kavaratti, so I ejected myself from the shop.

D day of the travel arrived … a cool Saturday evening and I had landed a cool seat too. It was seat no. 39 last but one row in the Volvo. Given the fact that I find it hard to sleep in a bus, add to it the 2^nd last row … I knew I would not be sleeping that night. Luckily I had a companion in the form of a book (3 men in a boat). Switching on the reading light in the bus, I turned to reading as my night activity. Apparently my reading light was disturbing a young couple seated one row ahead of me. The young man asked me to switch off the light to which I replied that I was reading. He suggested that it is better we all take some rest. Now since I find difficult to say no to anyone, I was about to tell him to let me finish 3 pages and the light will be off. Just then his wife spoke up in a sarcastic tone, “It is 10pm”. I thought whether 10pm was veneration and that we have to sleep by that time. I was going to retort that, “Yes young lady, it is ONLY 10pm. You have been sleeping since 8pm from the time the bus started. I ain’t as slothful as you”. But the fact that I was going for a noble cause made such a remark un-necessary. Instead I asserted that I would read for a while to which the young couple gave up, pulled up the shawl over their faces and started muttering in some maggi language (my guess was kannada). I registered this as yet another event in human kind when a female spoke when she was not required to, spoke what she was not supposed to, spoke in a way she was not supposed to and basically ruin a situation which was about to be solved amicably. I had no doubt in my mind that the female must have instigated her poor husband to ask me to shut the light in the first place!!

As the clock moved towards 11pm, I decided to retire my book not because my reading light was disturbing someone but because my laughter in the silent bus could be heard echoing around. {Did I mention that 3 men in a boat is a damn funny book?}. Scared of being labeled moonstruck and not wanting to wake up people, I reluctantly kept the book aside, reclined my seat and started night dreaming about sleep.

The condition of the road from Bangalore to Tirupati is poor to say the least. The Volvo sputtered, shrieked and spat venom as though it had a fight for survival with the road, the suspension did its best and worked like a trampoline to keep the passengers from falling off their seats, the horn screamed as if it was a cry to declare war on other vehicles and the steering rotated at an rpm of 16000 to snake through the narrow national highways NH4 and NH18. If such excitement could be offered by non-living things I wondered what the mortals sleeping in the bus could offer me. So the next 2.5 hours were invested to gain a better understanding of the dynamics of human sleep in a bus.

I started with my neighbor. From the crisp white shirt which wasn’t tucked in, a formal greenish grey trouser and chappals worn along with it, it left no doubt in my mind that he was from Andhra. With every daring twist n turn the Volvo took, the snores of this man turned from poetry to shrieks. I was amazed to hear the repertoire of snores this man possessed. Some of the snores were a hybrid of tea kettle and pressure cooker whistles while some snores made me wonder whether they were coming from the right aperture. I had to rely on my nostrils in order to confirm the origin of those snores!! The man would all of a sudden turn towards me and say something in telugu (I assumed). Now I have had experience of Telugu men speaking in their beloved mother tongue in the middle of the night so I ignored assuming the person was sleeping.

I then shifted my attention to the couple sitting in front. They had pulled off the shawl as soon as I had turned off the reading light. The husband appeared to be doing some head banging or probably there was a loose nut in his neck. It was an exaggerated show of how bad the road was and how rash the driver was driving. On venturing closer, I actually found out that he just wanted to get a little cozy with his wife in the dark. Respecting their privacy, I turned around to see what the couple next to me were upto. The guy had given up on his wife, had moved to the last row and spread himself there. I could sympathize with him because his wife was one heck of a loquacious woman.

Finally the bus arrived at the foothills of Tirumala @ 1:30 am. I dived out of the bus, grabbed my room keys and went straight to the room. We were given 1 hour to get bathed and ready and re-assemble @ 2:30 am to move to the hill of Tirumala. Upon entering the room, big fat mosquitoes the size of fully swollen ‘pohas’ {Maharashtrian dish} greeted me. The Kshatriya in me sprang up in action and I started madly punching into thin air. Some of the mosquitoes fell on the floor, mocked me and then flew back again. I thought the religious atmosphere around Tirumala offered the mosquitoes special divine powers and could not be killed. Not to fight against the will of God, I left the mosquitoes alone and headed for the bath.

After a chilling bath in cold water my body hair resembled a porcupine and my face a white ghost. All my 206 bones rattled with fear {and cold} invoking further fear in my 32 pearly whites (pearly creamish white rather) which then started quavering. I feared that the frequencies created by my shivering body might hit the resonance frequency {remember we learnt this in physics} of the hotel building and that the entire building might collapse. In order to avoid such destruction, I jumped into some warm clothes and headed back down.

In the hotel lobby I saw the same cute girl whom I had observed the previous night @ the boarding stop. The pretty lass had started with an occasional stealing of glances at the boarding station to a full blown stare in the hotel lobby; I thought I had come a long way. Unfortunately she wasn’t a lass, but married. Tragedy is such that I always attract the wrong kind of girls and at the wrong places too. Tirupati is not a place where you go to date girls, I guess!!!

The journey in a local bus to top of Tirumala is extremely exciting. The bus drivers drive as if a hot iron rod is up theirs with total dis-regard for the passengers sitting in the bus. There are endless hairpins and S-curves to make us shuffle in our seats. I was sitting in the aisle side of a three seater. As the bus twisted and turned, the man next to me made no effort to hold on to the handle bar and put his entire weight on me when the bus turned left. I sensed competition from this act and did the same to him when the bus turned right. Un-fortunately there seemed to be more lefts than rights and the man won Round 1. With a mean look in my eyes I made a mental note to settle my score with him while descending. Unlucky me … he realized what I was upto and was not to be seen again during the entire Tirupati darshan and the eventual descent.

I finished my darshan in 45 mins and the exact moment of 5:30 am on 07-Feb-2010 I became sin free. {I have started a new sin account since then!} I have asked for something again from Balaji and once that is done, I will visit again {and will write another story}

After the descent, we had breakfast followed by darshan of Padmavati and then sped off to Bangalore. The return journey was spent entirely in Naga mode as I was in no mood to hear my neighbors snores, neither see couples getting cozy (or horny) nor was I in the mood to understand the dynamics of the Volvo bus.

I reached Bengaluru @ 5:30 pm on 07-Feb-2010, thus closing another travelogue.


Tirumala-Venkateswara_Temple

Life in EEE : The Summit before the Abyss

Welcome to the bedlam called Triple E

To get into which we paid a handsome fee

EEE-a home for the twenty-two garrulous

Where the banter was always mellifluous

A journey from the cardboard building with pillars

Where holes were made aplenty without paying any dollars

To the place which is called 'Knowledge Village'

During the campus interview when we did some pillage !

It All started from analog electronic

To make us understand we had the G Vijaya tonic

While teaching like a fountain he spat & spat

Oh my God! save us from the fat

In the lab his constant sciscitation

It sure did cause a lot of irritation

" Look Look at your helplessness", was his sarcasm

We hoped God sucked us into a chasm

Then came the exams comprehensive

All of us were shockingly apprehensive

In the paper were opams, BJT's n other frills

One of us even got a nil !

We then had Microelectronics-Dr. Abdullah

Seeing the text book we said 'Save us Allah'

Hearing the confusing argot

Was like a kick in the but & gut

EMEC, circuits signals, communication- all the biggies

We sure would be the guinea piggies

As the classes picked up pace

We were all left in a maze

Cricket, Chess, Photography-all in class did originate

Lightning from photography had our professors fulminate

Having nothing to do in class, we took to dine & wine

Who says eat & drink in class is a crime ?

When communication teacher presented her dissertation

Boredom reached the point of culmination

As charles battled with his sleep

All the others were sure to weep

With her constant fretting & coughing

It was to say the least - irritating

Charles blurted, "Tell her to go, mujhe hai sona"

She had asthma, so all over the class we sprayed rexona

Circuits Signals was the next

Which got stuck into us like a pest

But the professor looked so much fun

Mr. Anwar - his face looked like a bun

He graced us with his voice effeminate

Subject is going to be cool was our estimate

For intro he said, "Let us have a 'feel' of each other"

What were his intentions? It made us bother

My wife got pregnant, I don’t know how, was what he said

We laughed our b**** out, knowing our semester is made

Observing his moustache cut at sides unequal

He is a joker, we were unequivocal

He once said, "Now I call upon 'The Nishad' "

Better grammar pathan possesses from Islamabad

When he said, "All 3 of you please keep mum"

"But mom is at home", I replied like a bum

"Does it make any sanse sitting behind the pillar Godly?"

To which the whole class burst out loudly

Thus ended an eventful semester

What is next we wondered with anxiety greater

Then came the shocker-Electro Mech Energy Conversion

Which accelerated out perdition

Three letters which we'll never forget- RML

Even today they sound worse than HELL

With all the motor, stator & rotor

It was like someone slapping with a floater

Then followed the slip & torque

Closing her mouth would be apt with a cork

Her accent sure was rhythmic

We thought it was outside this cosmic

Not to forget the viva which did terrorize

And the compre which left us mesmerize

Power Electronics came in the form of Majid

We should do well was our zidd

His first lecture was taken apart

When he called fault a fart

Godz was the most disturbing element

Majid said with all his sentiment

What happened Nachiket , his famous quote

Something in our mind which still does float

Girls found him sick, with all his scratching

We guessed his parts were always itching

Forget the scratching sir, we also want some knowledge

But to give knowledge, was not his pledge

When he said, "Burn the water, Burn the steam"

We thought his brain was erased clean

Compre's hit us with circuit breakers & fuses

Within 30 minutes we left the exam hall clueless

From the AGU to the campus interview

We learnt facets of life totally new

Together we were a big family- The EEE

Where everything but studies was the key

We had nachi’s body shaking laughter

And the godz' 'pleasure' calculator

We also has a picturesque banana

Which is famous from Dubai to Manama

Now the EEE family is broken apart

But we will always love each other in the heart

Living without you is hell my friends; but I will try

Should I laugh or should I cry !!

5 Hits to the Fence

It was a day seen by few lucky ones

When 5 hits went to the boundary

Those lucky were the most jobless bums

Who saw the bowler in a quandary

Let me tell you one by one

The opposition scored big runs

On the morning with bright sun

We started our reply firing with all guns

Then the wickets tumbled

But I was not ready to throw in the towel

As our hope for a win crumbled

Akash tread over the gravel

“Give me the strike”, was my order

Ok was his reply

What I actually meant was, “Give me the strike, else your murder”

And hoped that he did comply

First ball was missed by Akash

Thus making the target seem faar

I said, “Can’t you see the ball in all this prakash”?

To which he said, “Chill yaar!”

Next ball was smashed over taher’s head for four

But the opposition looked unfazed

Because we needed runs galore

The bowler sure did look dazed

Third ball was smashed for four to long on

Opposition captain was still calm

I thought Akash was on song

And so thought taher -with a sweaty palm

Fourth ball was a boundary towards point

Now the captain looked worried

The spectacle caused in me a weak joint

While Taher was with his face burried

Next one was dismissed over cover

For which the captain did castigate

Win was possible I did aver

Taher smiled, I guessed just to mitigate

The last ball was delivered

It was hit in the cover & point gap

With that boundary, akash was revered

Not much to say, but we all were left agape

Thus ended the day, a day to me which is very dear

The day I cherish till today

When akash made us all quaver

Hail the Legend, people…GoodDay !

A Bihar Trail - Journey into the Unknown

Prologue

As the night of 7^th December, 2009 descended on Bengaluru, the utter chaos in one of rooms in Kundalahalli Gate gave the impression that there had been a robbery in that room. In fact, it was Bakar Kramank Shunya (also known as Amy or Chu****d) frantically dumping his stuff in a suitcase hoping to catch some sleep before his flight early morning. Knowing his appetite for sleep, he knew very well that this was going to a big problem.

But there were bigger problems that Amy had to face than packing his stuff in time.

First problem was that Naga was experiencing some fault lines inside his abdomen leading to his frequent bowel movements. Amy had to convince Naga somehow to board the flight with him despite his stomach upsets risking the lives …. rather the nostrils of the pretty air hostesses, fellow passengers, the furniture in the aircraft and possibly the ozone layer as well. A fart by Naga at such an altitude could be a disaster for the earth’s delicate balance of natural gases!!!

Second problem was dealing with the only Sardar in this world who is always in tension. Somehow he had to convince the great sardar aka Darindar with arguments/poetry/philosophy/abuses to wear a kurta with a pajama with a stole with floaters.

And finally, the biggest problem he faced was to wake up at an inhumanly hour of 03:00 am in the Bangalore cold. Knowing very well that waking up by himself at that unearthly hour was as simple as GD (GT to some) finding a girlfriend, he had to draw backup plans. His backup plans included asking the watchman, his neighbor and his friends Gogo, Kallu and Naga to ‘try’ and wake him up at such an indecent hour. Putting all his faith in his talking walking sleeping abusing alarm clock, Naga … he finally dared to hit the sack.

Anyways as 03:00 am of 8^th December, 2009 dawned … Amy was already awake .. he had decided not to sleep. Gogo, Kallu Mama[1] and Naga performed their duties in the morning by calling at 03:00 am

As Amy strode into the pre-morning fog towards the airport, he was partly sad and happy at the same time. Sad because Naga wont be able to make it due to his fantastic stomach condition and happy because he was attending his dearest friend wedding.

As the flight flew over the Eastern Coast (BLR – KOL – PAT), Amy decided to catch up on his missed sleep. It had been a “chicful” morning … a pretty babe at the airport escorting him to an exclusive counter for check-in, a cute Manipur girl sitting beside him in the aircraft and Monashree, the gorgeous air hostess who had given him more than just a look or so he felt.

08-December-2009 : DAY 1

The flight finally landed at 13:30 hours at Patna’s Lok Nayak Jayprakash airport after paying a visit to Kolkata’s Netaji Sub hash Chandra Bose Airport and a halt of 45 mins during which 2 noisy cry babies boarded the flight and had a major part in keeping me awake ( or was it Monashree’s roving eyes?)

As I got down the aircraft to inhale the fresh Bihar air for the first time in my life, I was shocked to realize that there would be no bus to take us to the terminal. I resigned to the fate of walking towards the terminal and looking left/right just to make sure that an aircraft doesn’t run me over. I guess Bihar can be the only place where people can get run over by planes!!! Anyways as I was walking towards the terminal, I saw something that looked like a podium and rows of seats arranged with posters and ‘gende ke phool’ garlands. I said to myself… another first. Imagine this … Patna International Aiport … TARMAC … there is function held (probably a speech, marriage god knows what). Where in the world can you see a function being held on the tarmac?? Security concerns my arse.

Next hour passed uneventful as I waited for Kallu to appear safely out of the terminal. 14:30 hours IST was the time when the two Bakars of room 523 & 116 met. After the rounds of hugs n holy words, we proceeded towards our Sumo arranged by Gogo to take us to Muzaffarpur, a distance of 80kms. I instructed Kallu to talk only in Hindi and trust me it was an absolute privilege listening Kallu interact with the Bihari driver in “PURE” hindi rather “shudh” hindi J It was like teaching calculus to a kindergarten kid. Neither the instructor nor the kid knew what to do !!

Sitting in the sumo, as we looked around Patna, we realized that instead of travelling in the flight we must have travelled through a time machine that has taken us back to the 18^th century. India sure does live in 2 different centuries … never was this thought more crystal.

As we crossed the 7 km bridge over The Ganges that connects South Bihar to North Bihar, we wondered when was the last time that bridge had maintenance work. I guess we realized that maintenance is not a word in the dictionary of Bihar. Next couple of hours passed uneventful with us mesmerized by the greenery around the rich fertile land of The Ganga and the driver taking some ‘daring’ twists and turns to avoid bicycles, bikes, tuk tuks, cows, buffalos, trucks etc etc.

Two hours into the journey, we thought we might be close to muzaffarpur but by god… how wrong we were. Being in the eastern part of the country, add to it the winter season and the sun goes down real fast. 5pm is pitch dark and seems night. Add to it all the state highway (if I could call it a highway) is blocked by people. DETOUR time.

This was the most exciting part of the journey. As we made way through ‘kaccha’ roads through semi-villages it was time for my second realization of the day. India does not live in 2 different centuries .. it lives in many centuries .. the one we were travelling through was Dark Ages maybe. 4 feet wide road, potholes as big as my bath tub, stench worse that the Indian railway platform toilets, mosquito/ flies/ insect density of more that a zillion per cubic centimeter, villagers that looked as if they dint even know that India had gained independence. It sure was a hell of a ride. Vehicle coming from the other side meant putting your car into the face of a cow/ buffalo standing at the side of the road. I am sure kallu must have kissed a buffalo during that ride. But inspite of the negatives (rather adventures), we absolutely loved the ride. At that point in time, I told kallu … I LOVE BIHAR J

Finally we reached Patna after 5 hours or so (kallu has already calculated the speed of 16km/hr) and were greeted by Gogo’s friends/ relatives. The venue was a temple with lots of rooms around it. The Sangeet was supposed to start in 30 mins time on Floor 1. We rushed to our rooms, tried to wash off the dust/ dirt/ pollutants from our faces … but I believe even if I had jumped in an automatic car washing machine, the dirt woudnt have gone. Anyways we got ready … kallu in his politician white kurta n pajama and me in casuals. As always, before leaving the room … I asked Kallu … “Don’t you think I am looking too sexy” … U guys can guess what followed next J

As we entered floor 1 … the first thing I saw was …….. can u guess …….. well wrong guess I can say that already for u shola … I saw FOOD. Now the question was whether we should meet gogo first or feast. The choice was obvious. We met gogo first (that was d last time gogo .. don’t b happy). The smiles … the warmth … the exuberance … the excitement … the happiness … when we met …. The good ol’ fellas of 523 and 116 … oh well … words can’t describe that. Gogo was happy that bakar was here and we were happy that we made it. Finishing our hi/hellos, we dashed towards food where ... be rest assured paddy … I ate everything that was on offer. In the background, people were dancing to some rajasthani music.

As I was hogging kallu distracted me … his eye had caught a pretty face … making a note that gogo’s sallis were cute and a full day ahead, I re-focused on food. As per instructions from gogo, I was not supposed to c one of the saalis … if u wanna know the reasons … again ping me in private !!

It was around 10:30 pm and still there were no signs of Darindar. His train was running late by only 4 hours … it is like mili seconds as per BST Bihar Standard Time. The train was waiting at the Muzaffarpur outer signal. The news was that the motorman, train staff, TC’s, change staff and all others had gone to the nearby railway quarters for their dinner and were probably catching up on their sleep. The train would reach Muz station whenever those people wake up. We just hoped the motorman was not Naga part 2 else the train would never come.

Finally the third bakar arrived @ 11:30 pm with guess what … with his LAPTOP. In future science might find a way for the baby to survive inside the womb without the umbilical cord, humans might survive without oxygen, diamonds might be found on Juhu beach, paddy might stop thinking of food, shola might laugh like a human, GD might stop looking for a chic, Diva might spend a day with no chics around, naga might sleep for only 6 hours a day, gogo might stop his massage parlor & stop eating rajnigandha, kallu might stop watching ****, all of lath’s electronic equipment might work and he might actually play good songs and … BUT DARINDAR CANNOT AND WILL NOT BE SEEN WITHOUT A LAPTOP ……….. ~~~~~ PERIOD ~~~~~~

After exchanging the UN-pleasantries, we moved back to the marriage venue where the sangeet was just about to finish. Finally united with Gogo, we all had a good dinner … authentic Marwadi food. I did not disappoint you again Paddy by feasting on all the food items. After the usual bakar – dinner session, and keeping in mind the torturous early morning pooja’s that Gogo had to attend, we all called it a day and retired to our rooms.

Next 12 hours were dedicated to Naga … BLISSFUL SLEEP

09-December-2009 : DAY 2

Since the marriage ceremony was supposed to start only @ 3pm, it was decided to take a walk around Muzaffarpur town. Walking was preferred over automobile eventhough Gogo had insisted on a vehicle. So me, Kallu and Darindar treaded off to explore Muzaffarpur – the commercial capital of Bihar. The roads were a delicate mixture of intertwined mud, sand, cement, potholes, cow dung, dog shit, stones, dried grass, pan and gutka spits which added a divine color to the roads. The sand, dirt and stones were fixed on the ground partly due to gravity and largely due to the adhesive properties of cow dung and pan/gutka spits. The road level just keeps increasing coz people throw their waste and shit on the road itself.

As we ventured further, we saw a lake full of weeds … I tried to imagine little gogo taking bath in that lake in a ‘lungot’. I wouldn’t want to get too graphical keeping in mind the family nature of the audience … so we better move on.

After walking for 20 mins we realized we are not making enough distance through the maze of bicycles, cycle rickshaws, sumos, sheep, cows, buffalos and dogs. So kallu had a Eureka moment. He suggested that the three of us get on a single cycle rickshaw and started frantically searching for a cycle rickshaw … shouting at the cycle walas typical of a rowdy from vijaywada. Darindar imagined the plight of rickshaw wala after his huge frame sat on the rickshaw while I tried to visualize how the hell were the three of us going to sit on a seat that is 2 feet wide. But as we all know … there is no point in convincing Kallu … neither did either of us make any attempt.

Eventually we walked to Moti Jheel … the main market of Muzaffarpur where we saw one of India’s heritage monument … the pillars of the only bridge in Muzaffarpur. There were these pillars randomly strewn across the town with no intention of actually building in bridge. We discussed that if the world were to end today and in future if there was excavation work, those people would be amazed to find out how could the vehicles travel by just jumping from pillar to pillar.

Tired by the heat and not wanting to even risk mineral water in Muzaffarpur, we settled for the oranges. Darindar after peeling off the first orange asked the Question of the day … “Yeh santre ke chilke kahan pheku?” … It was met with a roaring laughter by me … darindar was actually searching for a dustbin when he was standing on one!!

Anyways after a bit of shopping, we headed back to the marriage venue to get dressed in our traditional attire.

Kallu got dressed in another white kurta pajama looking like an Andhra politician who had come to consult Gogo whether Andhra has to be split or not, while me n darindar got into some decent traditional wear.

There were a string of ceremonies … half of them I cannot even name. It started with baraath with Gogo getting on a ‘Ghodi’. The reluctant dancers – me, darindar and kallu were made to dance forcibly by Gogo’s mausas, cha-chas, taous and his gang of friends. And trust me when me and darindar descended to dance, even the ‘ghodi’ let out a shriek looking at the sheer lack of technique in the dance.

Once the baraat entered the venue, Gogo was taken away for some more rituals while we turned our attention towards authentic marwadi food. There was a drinks stall with a cute chinky chic who was being harassed by the Bihari boys with incessant demand for weird drinks. A fruit stall, an ice cream stall, coffee stall, a range of starters and center of it all the tandoor and associated items were the other paraphernalia. My pick of the day was ‘litti’ (gogo can put more light on d various dishes) and have added that thing to my list of favorite foods. Next 1 hour was spent in feasting after which we joined Gogo who was busy in some pooja.

The best part of the day was seeing the expression on Gogo’s face … it was a mixture of sleep, disgust, boredom, more sleep, anger, disinterest, even more sleep and disillusionment. If it was not for all the elders and social pressure he would have said fuck off to everyone and had gone to sleep. Trust me sitting for a whole day with all rituals around you and a sherwani weighing 10kgs is not a joke. To keep him in high spirits I slipped in between the pandit and Gogo. Joined by Kallu and Darindar, the usual bakar started. Kallu as always was eyeing the chics and asking my expert opinions which I promptly gave after consulting with Gogo to find out whether it his cousin or one of Surabhi’s cousins. I have made a note of the chics who were showing interest (as per Kallu they were showing more than just interest) … they were Surabhi’s cousins … so that discussion will take place once she arrives in Bangalore.

With the final vidai rasam remaining, Gogo headed to our rooms since he was instructed not to go upstairs. As soon as we entered the room, the door was securely shut and cigarettes packets and match boxes flew out of nowhere. After refreshing himself with a cig, Gogo headed for the vidai rasam and so did we. It was done in 15 mins with the usual rona dhona seeing in Ekta Kapoor’s serials.

As the clock read 2:00 am, me and darindar who were meeting after a very long time, decided to sit outside in the cold and talk. The talk turned out to be about life, the contents of which I cannot disclose even if you ping me in private!!

At 5:00 am we decided to call it a day and headed back to our rooms to find kallu snoring in telugu !

10-December-2009 : DAY 3

This was the day that we had to depart from muzaffarpur. After a royal breakfast, me and kallu headed towards Bodh Gaya via Patna while darindar had a train to catch from Muzaffarpur itself.

The next 2 hours were spent stuffed in a Sumo. Thanks to Gogo’s sanjay mausaji a vehicle was arranged for our further exploits in Bihar.

A distance of 130 kms from Patna to Bodh Gaya was covered in 5 hours. Needless to mention the quality of the roads. At one point the driver got down of the vehicle and stood aside because the road was so narrow that only one vehicle could pass at a time. Never to miss out on an opportunity, I told kallu to get down and get me some boiled eggs (apparently eating eggs is a culture in Bihar).

We reached Bodh Gaya at 7pm. After searching for a hotel to dump ourselves for the night, we had a below average dinner. It seemed so pathetic partly due to the royal food we had over the past 2 days thanks to Gogo.

Dinner was followed by a visit to the Bodh Gaya temple campus, some pics and retreat to the hotel for some sleep. It was decided to wake up at 4am next morning since the temple opened at 5am and we had places to cover. Next few hours we went into Naga mode obviously with no intention of meeting the 4am deadline.

11-December-2009 : DAY 4

We woke up eventually at 6am and went to the temple. Trust me people … this place is pristine. Amazingly peaceful. After standing in the spot where Gautam Buddha got enlightenment, I wondered if that would happen to Kallu.

Our next destination was Rajgir which is to the South West of Patna. This place had a cable car taking us to the hill top. As you must have seen in Picasa, these were the most pathetic cable cars I had ever sat on. Luckily the ground clearance was only 5 feet, so we decided that our life wasn’t in danger and we would live to tell the tale. On top there was nothing much but we got to meet the entire Bakar gang on the top … a bunch of monkeys who were more than happy to see us which they demonstrated by showing us some acrobatics.

Next we went to a spot in Rajgir where there were Hot Springs. Kallu had never seen hot springs in real life. He expected scenery the likes of New Zealand. But unfortunately the hot springs turned out to be a major disappointment. It was worse than the Mahim Khadi drainage in Mumbai. Those hot springs were supposed to have medicinal healing properties. With so much dirt in those hot springs, all the disease spreading germs would surely die. No wonder it had healing properties.

Next was Nalanda … a must see place for all the people. It was a thrill just to imagine that the great Chanakya must have walked in those buildings. It is surprising to know that in those days we had universities housing 10,000 students and 1,500 professors. Compare that with today and we have nothing to speak off. After a disturbing site of some ladies throwing rubbish chips packets in the Nalanda premises (got me pissed off big time), we left the place and headed for Pawapuri’s (south east of Patna) Jal Mandir wherein the footsteps of Mahavir are kept.

Thus ended our ‘spiritual’ trip with due respects paid to Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism.

Back in Patna, we had a train to board @ 8pm. Gogo and Sogo who were coming to Patna station to see us off from Muzaffarpur had a race against the clock in their Alto to be on time. Luckily the 523 and 116 bakars met again. With the final good-byes we left Patna with lots and lots of good memories to cherish and genuinely improved image of Bihar.

The impending journey of 31 hours to Warangal and 48 hours to Bangalore was planned to spend mostly in Naga mode as there were 10 people packed in a seating/ sleeping space of 6 people. Kallu got down at Warangal on 13^th Dec @ 02:00 am and I was the final one to reach home at 21:00 hours.